I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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