All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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