WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
