Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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