Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
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