I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
