Sober January is a disaster.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I party with great urgency now.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize