If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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