Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
