It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
