I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
