We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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