Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize