please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
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