i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
