In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
