At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
