Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
