im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
