I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
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