I could make wine with my vomit
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Randomize
