if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
