Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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