I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Randomize
