I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
