Girls should come with a carfax report
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
