dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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