whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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