i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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