Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
