do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
