Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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