I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
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