I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
