dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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