I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
