Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
40s are totally the cure
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
