I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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