Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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