I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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