Ambien. No doubt about it.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
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