Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
