Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
