this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Randomize