I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
