Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Your dad touched me again.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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