I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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