I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
