You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
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