I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Randomize