not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
