All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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