great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
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