first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
