my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
