I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I could make wine with my vomit
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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