it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
