What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
