remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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