Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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