Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
