apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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