I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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