I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
