Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
