i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
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