I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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