butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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