ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
